Maternal Mental Health: Why am I so angry?

Postpartum rage can be a debilitating, shocking experience. You may have just had a baby that you were so excited to meet, you may have a partner and life you love. And yet you often feel filled with rage, maybe having a lot more arguments than you used to, maybe slamming cupboards or feeling like you want to scream or burn every bridge in your life.

 It can feel like your normal self keeps getting replaced by someone you don’t recognize. This isn’t how you imagined your maternity leave going. This isn’t the soft-focus, snuggling on the couch, lovingly watching your baby sleep with your partner that you imagined.

Postpartum rage is not uncommon and can be driven by multiple factors. It may be related to the profound hormonal shifts that occur in the postpartum period or related to sleep deprivation, physical pain as your body recovers, feeding challenges or the intense mental, emotional, and physical load of caring for a completely dependent baby. It can also be the primary symptom of postpartum depression or anxiety- sometimes anger is the main symptom and people don’t report feeling sad or worried.

I always tell people, “postpartum rage may or may not be postpartum depression or anxiety, but it always means that a mom needs more support”. Postpartum rage - whether or not it is consistent with depression or anxiety- is always exacerbated by lack of support, previous trauma, unmet needs and/or loss of connection to a previous identity (eg: wife, friend, employee, boss, runner, painter etc). The rage is an important experience to explore, because it is a communication to yourself and others that you are over-extended and under-supported. Understanding what underlies the emotion identifies the best path forward. It may mean that a mom needs treatment for postpartum depression or anxiety, it may mean that we need to develop a better sleep plan or find ways to identify needs and communicate them to a partner. Postpartum rage can be treated and you can feel better.